gilybob Posted May 13, 2009 Report Share Posted May 13, 2009 dunno whether this has been done before but i think its a good idea to brighten up each day so give us ya jokes peeps.....ill start of course...you do know you can get pregnant from anal sex dont you !!??where do you think chavs come from !!!!!!!!ever wondered if your mum gave you a kiss goodnight after giving your dad a BJ ??? Bet you are now !!WANTED:hardworking, loyal women to cook, clean, wash and iron,while i scratch my nuts on the sofa.they will do for now.. get them comming .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_whitt Posted May 13, 2009 Report Share Posted May 13, 2009 whats ricky hatton and gary glitter got in common?They both went down trying to do a little phillepino in the ring Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupoluke Posted May 13, 2009 Report Share Posted May 13, 2009 Think your having a bad day, imangine this your a siamese twin joined at the hip, your brother is gay and your not, his lover is on the way over and you only have one arse hole. A man says to his wife "darling what would you do if wone the lottery, the wife replies " i would take half then leave you" The man replies "excellent I had 3 numbers and won a tenner, heres your fiver now **** off!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilybob Posted May 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 13, 2009 Think your having a bad day, imangine this your a siamese twin joined at the hip, your brother is gay and your not, his lover is on the way over and you only have one arse hole. A man says to his wife "darling what would you do if wone the lottery, the wife replies " i would take half then leave you" The man replies "excellent I had 3 numbers and won a tenner, heres your fiver now **** off!!!lol.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbeth! Posted May 13, 2009 Report Share Posted May 13, 2009 A man says to his wife "darling what would you do if wone the lottery, the wife replies " i would take half then leave you" The man replies "excellent I had 3 numbers and won a tenner, heres your fiver now **** off!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoshB&D Posted May 13, 2009 Report Share Posted May 13, 2009 Bought a limited edition Ricky Hatton Toaster yesturday, the only problem is it wont do 2 roundsaha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VWJason Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks inhis shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, 'Whydo you keep looking in your pocket?'The man replies, 'I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks goodenough, I'll go home!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joe told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gazzard Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 Those two are well good haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilybob Posted May 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 I dont mind admitting i used to be ****ing stupid, butluckily we split up 6 months ago !!press ctrl + w its as funny as **** ..went to the missing persons bureau today ... there was no one there !!!rob from the poor to become rich become an MP !!!!breaking news jordan and peter have split up....a family spoksman said, harvey never saw it coming Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GtiJames Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 I bought a copy of elizabeth fritzls diary off ebay the other day and its crap! Monday: Stayed in Tuesday: Stayed in Wednesday: Stayed in Thursday: Stayed in Friday: Stayed in Saturday: Stayed in Sunday: Stayed in, got a shag though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naif Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 (edited) Walkers have announced their new flavour crisps. Tumor flavour crisps. A spokesman was quoted as saying "They taste oh so goody"Jade Goody jokes, yay!A man walks into a library and asks for a book on Josef Fritzl. Librarian says "it's in the cellar" Edited May 14, 2009 by Naif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithy Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 paddy and his mrs on the bed, she's wearing crotchless knickers, she says, paddy, lick this ya big sexy bas***d, he replies f**k off, look what it's done to your knickers!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melonman Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 A reasonably offensive Jade Goody joke I heard:Whats the difference between Jade Goody and a moped?A moped will reach 30(I know its quite poor taste but I still couldnt help but laugh) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tombuttigieg Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 Since were kinda on the subject of jade goody;what to you call jade goody in a wedding dress......................shuttlecock Im going to hell! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melonman Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 Jade goody was convinced that Jack was cheating on her because she found a hair on the pillow...Im joining you in hell mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilybob Posted May 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 (edited) its said if uv been around pigs that u may get this swine flu !!!jack tweed is ****ting himself !!me 3 !! Edited May 14, 2009 by gilybob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melonman Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 To the theme of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air:South-east England born and raisedOn reality TV spending most of my daysBein' racist, whoring out and relaxin' all coolAnd being disgusting, **** the gene poolWhen a couple of cellsWho were up to no goodStartin making cancer in my vaginalhoodI got one little lump and my doctors got scaredThey said 'we are putting you on chemo, say goodbye to your hair!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbeth! Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 Did you hear they've let Josef Fritzl out of jail? He's teaching the McCanns how to lock a door! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoshB&D Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 awell, might aswell join you in hell...Jade Goody was looking great at her wedding..Not a hair out of place.Jack Tweed walks in to a library and asks for a book on spiritualism.The librarian says; "**** off, you might bring her back." hahaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GtiJames Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 Bought a jade goody 2009 calendar the other day. Its crap, only goes up to march. Joining the queue for hell... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YIDDOX46 Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 (edited) what doe's jade goody and a tyre have in common?.................................once they go bald they don't last very long. Edited May 14, 2009 by YIDDOX46 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamieB Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 This morning when my wife woke up she asked me where i was taking her for her birthday...my black eye suggests that up the ass wasnt the right answer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lululupo Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 Did you hear they've let Josef Fritzl out of jail? He's teaching the McCanns how to lock a door!Haha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilybob Posted May 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 This morning when my wife woke up she asked me where i was taking her for her birthday...my black eye suggests that up the ass wasnt the right answer?haaaaaaaaaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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