Adam K Posted September 19, 2009 Report Share Posted September 19, 2009 - Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profileis public, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning that just got the RedRyder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!),but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can thinkabout is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my ownstory that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to havefun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks whenthey've invented the lighter?- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger andsuddenly realise I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first sawit.- Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're goingin the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction fromwhich you came, you have to first do something like check your watch orphone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that noone in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switchingdirections on the sidewalk.- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I wasyounger.- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not tobe friends with?- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realiseyou're wrong.- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn'twork? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fixthe problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix theproblem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figuredit out. Today's kids are soft.- There is a great need for sarcasm font.- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomesstressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutesshiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the rightparts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecondearlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take2 trips to bring my groceries in.- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear yourcomputer history if you die.- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else tosay".- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all Ihear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod andsmile because you still didn't hear what they said?- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up toprevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, Iwill undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I hadto spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G asin...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies".- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow eachother?- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctivelyswerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the persondied.- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the showerfirst and THEN turn on the water.- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, andyou can wear them forever.- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.- Bad decisions make good stories.- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?- If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring wouldprobably just be completely invisible.- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go aroundand say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem ?- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work whenyou've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive forthe rest of the day.- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want tohave to restart my collection.- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are goingto die after leaning your chair back a little too far.- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if Iwant to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I didnot make any changes to.- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV.There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if Ikeep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only amatter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still befriends after this?'- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeinganyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.- When I meet a new guy, I'm terrified of mentioning something he hasn'talready told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then Ilike about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.- Why is a school zone 25 km/h? That seems like the optimal cruising speedfor paedophiles...- As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but nomatter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists..- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still notknow what time it is.- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not toanswer when they call.- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys ina pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'dbet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, inabout 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drivebehind obeys the speed limit.- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.- The other night I ordered take away and when I looked in the bag, saw theyhad included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at therestaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and thenestimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such alarge amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing likebeing made to feel like a fat lovely person before dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picola Posted September 19, 2009 Report Share Posted September 19, 2009 I got bored of reading, or my eyes cant cope more like, but I agree with the missed call one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobG Posted September 19, 2009 Report Share Posted September 19, 2009 I got bored of reading, or my eyes cant cope more like, but I agree with the missed call oneYour sig is rather distracting... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picola Posted September 19, 2009 Report Share Posted September 19, 2009 Im suprised its still there and Ive not been asked to remove it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hunid-brake Posted September 19, 2009 Report Share Posted September 19, 2009 Brilliant. Heres one, why do they still have instructions on bottles of shampoo??? Are there still people out their that dont know how to wash their hair??oh and i love the one about police lmfao, it must piss em off. On a big familiar road they end up causing a tailback as finally due to their immediate proximity to the 1st car in line strictly sticking to the speed limit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gazzard Posted September 20, 2009 Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 Im suprised its still there and Ive not been asked to remove itIs it actually you? lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clairey Fairy Posted September 20, 2009 Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 - Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realiseyou're wrong.Take note, Mr Original Poster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lululupo Posted September 20, 2009 Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 These are so so true...- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!),but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can thinkabout is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my ownstory that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomesstressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutesshiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the rightparts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecondearlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else tosay".- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go aroundand say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem ?- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeinganyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then Ilike about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not toanswer when they call.Brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picola Posted September 20, 2009 Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 Is it actually you? lolNo, wish it was tho! You'd need a broadsheet to hide my massive lady flaps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkS Posted September 20, 2009 Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 "- Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're goingin the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction fromwhich you came, you have to first do something like check your watch orphone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that noone in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switchingdirections on the sidewalk."Did that several times today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Lou- Posted September 20, 2009 Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 (edited) It took a while to finally read all of those but good thread , some of them made me crack up..Picola? Lady flaps? Edited September 20, 2009 by -Lou- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjblyth Posted September 20, 2009 Report Share Posted September 20, 2009 It took a while to finally read all of those but good thread , some of them made me crack up..x2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GtiJames Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 No, wish it was tho! You'd need a broadsheet to hide my massive lady flaps Lmao, how unnecessarily graphic. Like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2001gti Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 I had this e-mail last week but abit of a shortend down version v.funny tho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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