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i hate these ****ty mails that are as old as time itself and you've seen 20 million times before

Adam K

By Adam K,
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Adam K Newbie

Adam K

Posted
Posted

- Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile

is public, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning that just got the Red

Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!),

but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.

What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think

about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own

story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have

fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when

they've invented the lighter?

- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and

suddenly realise I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw

it.

- Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're going

in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?

But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from

which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or

phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no

one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching

directions on the sidewalk.

- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was

younger.

- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"

feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to

be friends with?

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise

you're wrong.

- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't

work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix

the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix the

problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured

it out. Today's kids are soft.

- There is a great need for sarcasm font.

- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes

stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes

shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right

parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond

earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take

2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your

computer history if you die.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to

say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I

hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and

smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to

prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I

will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had

to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as

in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies".

- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each

other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively

swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person

died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower

first and THEN turn on the water.

- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and

you can wear them forever.

- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories.

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

- If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would

probably just be completely invisible.

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around

and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?

Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem ?

- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when

you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for

the rest of the day.

- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to

have to restart my collection.

- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going

to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I

want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did

not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV.

There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I

keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a

matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be

friends after this?'

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing

anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

- When I meet a new guy, I'm terrified of mentioning something he hasn't

already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I

like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

- Why is a school zone 25 km/h? That seems like the optimal cruising speed

for paedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no

matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists..

- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not

know what time it is.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to

answer when they call.

- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in

a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd

bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in

about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive

behind obeys the speed limit.

- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

- The other night I ordered take away and when I looked in the bag, saw they

had included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the

restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then

estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a

large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like

being made to feel like a fat lovely person before dinner.

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hunid-brake Newbie

hunid-brake

Posted
Posted

Brilliant.

Heres one, why do they still have instructions on bottles of shampoo??? Are there still people out their that dont know how to wash their hair??

oh and i love the one about police lmfao, it must piss em off. On a big familiar road they end up causing a tailback as finally due to their immediate proximity to the 1st car in line strictly sticking to the speed limit.

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lululupo Newbie

lululupo

Posted
Posted

These are so so true...

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!),

but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.

What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think

about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own

story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes

stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes

shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right

parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond

earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to

say".

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around

and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?

Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem ?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing

anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I

like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to

answer when they call.

Brilliant

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MarkS Newbie

MarkS

Posted
Posted

"- Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're going

in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?

But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from

which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or

phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no

one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching

directions on the sidewalk."

Did that several times today :(

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