GtiJames Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 2 parrots sat on a perch, 1 turns to the other and says 'can u smell fish?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Paddy stood by a bar getting pissed trying to work out .How the f*ck he's only got 3 brothers while his sister's got 4. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 (edited) NEWSFLASHA woman with diarrhoea was analy raped by six blokes in a vintage car.Police say it was a "sh1tty sh1tty bangbang"! Edited September 17, 2009 by lupo pete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little rich Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field one fine summer day. While following a game trail, they came across a pair of tracks. "Look! a pair of tracks" The first blonde said while pointing to the ground. "Those are deer tracks," the other blonde replied."Oh no,"she said to the first, "Those are definitely moose tracks."With this, they began to argue. In fact, they were still arguing when the train hit them--------Q. What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?A. A police horse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shteee Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Ha i like the police horse one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoshB&D Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 this ones pretty grim... but funny none the less!bob was on the way to the pub to meet his friend dave, on the way he decided to take a shortcut accross the train trackshe eventualy reached the pub and dave asked '' what took so long?'' so he replied '' well i took a short cut accross the train tracs and i found agorgeous young lady lying on the tracks, i picked her up and we started to have wild sex for ages! ''dave said '' nice, get a blowjob n all? '' bob replied '' no... i couldnt find the head ''yeah i know very wrong. but funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loopzmatt Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 one day little johnny hears a noise and peeks into his parents room to check it out, he find his mum bent over the dresser and his dad going at it behind her. His dad see's johnny and winks at him. Afterwards johnnys dad pops into johnnys room to check on him, he finds grandma bent over johnnys dresser and johnny going at it behind her. dad yells 'what the hell are you doing'. johnny replies 'not so funny when its your mum is it.' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo_1.0 Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 When asked if I preferred legs or breasts I told the stranger that i had a particular fondness for hairy fannies. He then informed me that this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain bucket! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2001gti Posted September 23, 2009 Report Share Posted September 23, 2009 two flies are sat on shaun wright phillips' lip, one fly says to the other, 'ill have u a race to the other side' wen the fly got there, the other fly was there waiting. "how did you do that" he said. The other fly said " i took a short cut and went round the back of his head!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 (edited) This is the sickest yet.READY?......................Dear jordan,I am sure that very soon u will be needing some male company.I would love to f*ck that tight assand those big fat t!ts,So as soon as u have a date,let me know and i will look after Harvey.Lots of love ,Gary Glitter Edited September 25, 2009 by lupo pete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArosaScotty Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 go onto to google and type in "where is chuck norris?" and hit i'm feeling lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2001gti Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 The random facts about chuck norris are just brilliant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 Zeus, greek god,was flying over ancient Greecewhen he saw a pretty naked womanwashing herself.He made love to her then told her in 9months you will have child.You will call him Hercules.She dressed herself smiled elegantly and replied in 9 days you will have a rash and will call it Herpes Now **** Off ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liwi Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 Paddys wife goes to the doctor complaining that after 10 years of marriage she had never had an orgasm.The doctor advised her to relax and use a fan to keep her cool during s e x.Paddy refused to pay money for a fan and asked his mate if he would mind waving a towel while they made love, but still she didn't come.Next day she asked Paddy if they could swap over, and so Paddy's mate made love to her and after 20 minutes of the best mind blowing s e x she'd ever had, she came.Paddy looked at his mate and said:'and that, my old son, is how to flap a ****ing towel'... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liwi Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 A man's wife hits him across the head.He says 'wot's that for?'She says 'I found a piece of paper in your pocket with s e x y Sarah written on it'Quick as the flash he says 'thats the name of a horse I bet on today, u silly c@w!' - she apologises.A week later she hits him over the head with a frying pan!He says 'what the f**k was that for?'She replies, 'your f**king horse phoned!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobG Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off. The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that? The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!' The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?' Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?' The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDGM Posted October 5, 2009 Report Share Posted October 5, 2009 Don't know if this is already here, but my wife told me a joke a kid in her class told her. Here goes...How do you make Lady Gaga cry?Poker face. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted October 6, 2009 Report Share Posted October 6, 2009 3 bodys turn up at mortuary all with smiles on their faces.Cop asks coroner,Why are they all smiling?Coroner says 1st guy died of heart attack sh*ggin his wife , hence his smile.2nd guy won the lottery ,spent it on whisky and died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.3rd guy was unusual-Paddy from Belfast,struck by lighting!Cop asks "Why the **** was he smiling?Coroner replies ,Daft Tw*t thought he was havin his photo taken! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 The post mortem of Stephen Gately revealed that he had dried fruit up his arse.Police think he's been date raped! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 First Matt lucas partner then Steven Gately if it go's in 3'sGraham Norton will be sh!ttin it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 It's has been confirmed Stephen Gately died from the rare sleeping disease- c*ck death! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 Ther was a wee singer called Gately,Who has'st been singing much lately,after a bottle of rum and a c*ck up his bumhis trip to the sun ended fatally. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitchell Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 steven gateley's partner woke up with a the biggest stiffy ever 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philplop Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupo pete Posted October 12, 2009 Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 Bloke meets Paddy in the pub,the telly is on and the evening news is coveringthe story of a guy about to jump of a high rise block.I bet you £20 he'll jump, says the man,I bet £20 he wont says Paddy...With that, the guy jumps and Paddy, mortified hands over his money.I cant accept your money says the man ,I saw that earlier on the lunchtime news.So did i, says Paddy but i didn't think he'd f*ucking do it again! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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