Tizer Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 2 men in a desert, thirsty and hungry. They see a tree in the distance and as they get nearer they see it is draped with rasher upon rasher of smoked, crispy, juicy bacon. "Hey John" says the first one, "Look, it's a bacon tree, we're saved" and runs to the tree. But as he gets within 5 feet of it he's gunned down in a hail of bullets . The second man shouts "John, what happened?" and with his last breath he shouts "RUN, it's not a bacon tree it's a ham bush" Don't worry I'm already wearing my coat... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clairey Fairy Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 (edited) Not as good as mine:Why did the man cross the road?Coz he was stapled to a chicken Edited October 30, 2008 by Clairey Fairy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treblet Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 rasher upon rasher of smoked, crispy, juicy bacon.how can bacon be both crispy and juicy?this isnt possible! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2001gti Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 crispy on the edge and juicy in the middle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clairey Fairy Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 I can only eat bacon if its floppy.Id also just like to point out the fatal flaw in the bacon joke, its supposed to be Mexican dudes - the pun is in the prenounciation of "ambush" not just being about pig meat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treblet Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 crispy bacon sucks balls, why would you want to eat it like that, its bloody burned by that point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lukus 9N Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 (edited) Why did the picture go to jail?Because it got framed. Edited October 30, 2008 by Lukus 9N Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Putney Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 **** joke..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unheard Posted November 1, 2008 Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 NSFWThere was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her the problem. The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you". So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis" Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS"A jelly baby goes to the doctor, with coconut and licorice all over his pr!ck."What have you been up to?" asks the doctor."F**king all sorts" says the jelly babyI was travellin in the outback one day wit my friend Morton, when off in the distance we sees a booze bus (police).Morton thinks this is great and heads straight for it.We pulls up and Morton winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"The copper looks at me and Morton and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this bag for me."Morton got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample.""Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Hemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that" said Morton.By now the copper is getting fairly pissed off and finally demands a urine sample for testing.Morton looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either."The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!! ""Bloody oath mate." says Morton. "It's from the government. Says that you whites can't take the piss out of us Black Fellers.Two hydrogens are walking along a street. The first one says, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!" The second one replies, "Are you sure?" The first one then says, "Yeah, I'm POSITIVE."A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was homeA woman gets onto a bus with her baby.The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!”The man says, “There’s no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”Why do farts smell?So the deaf can enjoy them too.This guy lived on his own and he was feeling a bit lonely, so he goes tothe pet shop to get something to keep him company. The pet shop owner suggestedan unusual pet, a talking millipede. OK, thought the man, I'll give it ago, so he bought one and took it home.That night he decided to test out his new pet, so he opened the box andsaid, "I'm going to the pub for a drink, do you want to come too?"But there was no reply. He tried again, "Oi, millipede, wanna come to theboozer with me?" Again, no response. So the man ranted and raved for abit, but after a while decided to give it one more try before he took thething back to the shop. So he took the lid off the box and repeated, "Isaid I'm going to the pub for a drink do you want to come?""For God's sake, I heard you the first time" snapped the millipede, "I'mjust putting my shoes on" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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